Author photo by Peter's son, Walter Bakowski

Monday, October 5, 2009

Why I haven't suicided

To me being suicidal is when a person cannot see any ladder up/a life preserver they can grasp. I didn't suicide when extremely lonely in London in the 1980's because I considered to do so would be a slap in the face to surgeons that saved my life via heart surgery. To a degree I feel that suicide is "unnatural" - to the best of my knowledge animals don't suicide. To a degree I consider suicide a middle class "indulgence" - most people who suicide aren't without food, shelter, warm clothing. Continuing, striving, having "hope" is certainly a hard and thorny road. The extremely difficult parts of our lives, in surviving them, we learn and knowledge is an anchor. My poem, "Self-portrait with beliefs, 19 October 1997" contains the lines "In fact, I'd say/that curiosity/is my best friend..." Falling in love with the map of the world at the age of six has given me a reason to continue. Reading books in rooms throughout the world saved my life. A suicide is a warning, an event to stop you in your tracks to grieve and think. Sometimes we must stop our rushing and see and absorb again how miraculous is a bird poised on roof guttering beyond our kitchen window.

2 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday, Peter Bakowski! You are a wonderful poet.

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  2. Dear Gingatao. Thank you for your kind words about my poetry. Having to date completed 54 years on this earth figure to be a creative person one must be alert to the world - note and think upon people, their deeds, the motives behind them, whether they can leapfrog into new ponds rather than stay in the one known and lukewarm pond.
    Every good wish,
    Peter Bakowski

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